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13th January 06
11:37 AM
[ mood | crushed ]




read (2) tulips

....and Maybe shoot up a few schools. [
12th January 06
6:47 PM
[ mood | happy ]

Quote of the Day: "He who hesitates is probably smart... or maybe stapled to the floor" -Anonymous

Well today was actually good. I know I've had a long streak of bad days but today was great. Ewww... I just took a shot of Whiskey and it was awful. I can't get the taste off of my tougue. It was awful. I love pizza rolls. I also have no money today and one cigarette and I'm out of gas. But that is the only off set of my day. Today at work was good I was busy the whole time. I forgot to clock out but Racheal will fix it. Then I came to Matt's house and I got all of my thiings together because after Saturday at work I need to go home do some laundry and most likely come back. It is a lot easier on my gas here. It's right next to work and school and I don't have to sit in traffic. Which is a perk. Today was a beautiful day, I had my windows down and my radio blaring good times. Did I mention that I love pizza rolls? Anywho... I also had english today. I love that class I always look forward to my English class. I also finished my scarf. Now I just need to make a beanie for it and I'll be good to go.

Ta Ta


You Got the Goods? -yeah- [
11th January 06
5:45 PM
[ mood | pissed off ]

Quote of the Day: "I have discovered that all human evil comes from this, man's being unable to sit still in a room." - Blaise Pascal

Well yeah. Today sucked really bad. Except at school cause me and Ben are the ultimate Chemistry team and it took us under an hour to do our experiment. I went home today for reasons I would rather not discuss. Anyways yeah. Mac and cheese is so good. Well I get to sleep in my bed today.

Ta Ta


Vinny walks like "Yeah I know I'm the Shit" [
11th January 06
12:17 AM
[ mood | sore ]

Quote of the Day:"All probabilities are 50%. Either a thing will happen or it won't." -Anonymous

Well this morning sucked. I had about 2 hours of sleep and yeah not the best person in the morning but, who isn't? I had to open today big 7:30 am and I had to work until 2:30pm. I almost had to crawl from work. People never apperciate Fast Food resturants unless they work or have worked at one. My day got better as it progressed though. I came back and worked on some of my work paper work. Wow I used the "work" word three times...is that legal? Then I went to see my Grandma Taylor and she bought me this cute Christmas orinament of a snowman with my name on it and a TY beanie bear. They are so cute. Well I'm off work tomorrow but I have Chemistry and Chemistry lab. Ughh. Which reminds me I might have to go to my mom's work and get another blank check for my Chemistry lab packet. SHIT!!! Well that will take most of my gas and I don't get payed until Monday which is a waste considering it's a holiday. I need to get direct deposit for my account. Then I will be payed that Saturday or Friday before. I have a car payment and an Insurance payment to make. Ugh. BILLS BILLS BILLS. Oh well. I feel weak and tired somewhat not really but it's an excuse for me to play TURBO 21!!!

Ta Ta

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Order Of Operations...CAN KISS MY ASS [
9th January 06
9:36 PM
[ mood | Snuff Snuff ]

Quote of the Day: "Math: just a class that someone made up so they could make their kids stay at school longer." - ME

I hat math so much. The class I'm in is Prep Math and it is like 2nd grade stuff. It pisses me off. Oh well. I like it and instead of paying 85 dollars for a new book I can get a gently used for only 25 dollars. My nose is running like a whore from the cops. Anyways I am really hooked to this new game called Turbo 21 in pogo. Its cool. Anyways I have English tomorrow and I love that class. There's Jess, Megan, Sharon, Vinny, and the coolest Prof on campus.

Ta Ta


8th January 06
8:21 PM

You Are Dave Matthews Band Magic Brownies Ice Cream

Not *those* magic brownies!

How You Life Your Life

You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside.

You tend to avoid confrontation and stay away from sticky situations.

You tend to have one best friend you hang with, as opposed to many aquaintences.

You have one big dream in your life, and you never lose sight of it.

Your Japanese Name Is...

Nayoko Takahashi

You Are Likely a Third Born

At your darkest moments, you feel vulnerable.
At work and school, you do best when you're comparing things.
When you love someone, you tend to like to please them.

In friendship, you are loyal to all of your friends.
Your ideal careers are: sales, police officer, newspaper reporter, inventor, poet, and animal trainer.
You will leave your mark on the world with inventions, poetry, and inspiration.

You Have a Sanguine Temperament

You are an optimistic person who is easily content.
You enjoy casual, light tasks - never wanting to delve too deep into anything.
A bit fickle, it's easy for you to change plans or paths when presented with something better.

You enjoy all of the great things life has to offer - food, friends, and fun.
A great talker, you can keep the conversation going for hours.
You are optimistic and sure of your success. If you fail, you don't worry about it too much.

At your worst, you are vain. You are obsessed with your own attractiveness.
A horrible flirt, you tend to jump into love affairs and relationship drama easily.
You're very jealous - which just magnifies the craziness around you.

Arty Kid

Whether you were a drama freak or an emo poet, you definitely were expressive and unique.

You're probably a bit more weird these days - but even more talented!

Your Power Color Is Red-Orange

At Your Highest:

You are warm, sensitive, and focused on your personal growth.

At Your Lowest:

You become defensive and critical if you feel attacked.

In Love:

You are loyal - but you demand the respect you deserve.

How You're Attractive:

You are very affectionate and inspire trust.

Your Eternal Question:

"Am I Respected?"

Your Personality Profile

You are dignified, spiritual, and wise.
Always unsatisfied, you constantly try to better yourself.
You are also a seeker of knowledge and often buried in books.

You tend to be philosophical, looking for the big picture in life.
You dream of inner peace for yourself, your friends, and the world.
A good friend, you always give of yourself first.
read (8) tulips

If it were tomorrow...maybe. But not today. [
8th January 06
6:46 PM
[ mood | angry ]

Quote of the Day: "Mistakes are just accidents on purpose." - Me

I HATE ERIC. Matthew's friend Eric the one we can't stand. He thinks he knows every FUCKING thing. There is a cable that runs from one end of the football stadium to the other. Then there are camera's positioned around the stadium floor and tops with ZOOM lenses. He goes "There is no cable strong enough to hold a camera that big." then Matthew goes "I THINK IT'S A SPACESHIP!" Just playing so I laughed. Then Matt was like well it would have to be on a grid because the camera takes shots from all over the place. And I said well there are cameras positioned at the top of the stadium with zoom lenses. Well Eric goes "No there's not!" "Camera's zoom lenses don't get that big." ALRIGHT MY FUCKING FATHER IS A FUCKING PHOTOGRAPHER!!! WHAT THE FUCK! But anyways...Well I will talk to you all later.

Ta Ta
- Heather


Kroger @ 2 am what fun it can be! [
8th January 06
4:07 AM
[ mood | numb ]

Quote of the Day: "I'm an idealist. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way." - Carl Sandburg

Well today was just Peachy! I woke up got online, got some new aim buddies, and went to work. I closed at got out at two then I went to see Ms. Sheena who I haven't seen in like 5 months. We talked out our stupid ex-boyfriends and then just hung out for awhile. I think that something going on is wrong. I came home and I felt this awkward feeling between me and Matthew. He questioned me being out at Kroger w/Sheena. I don't think he trusts me. I don't know why he might not trust me, but I don't know. I don't want to sleep now. I think he is angry with me. And for the first time I think ever I feel like I'm going to cry because of it. With no proof there is no reason, I know that but I don't know. I guess every quote holds its own strings. I have school today long chemistry and long Math from 5 - 9 I don't want to go though. I know I have to be there for Chemistry the whole time but since it is the first meeting of this Math class I don't think that I will have to be there until 9. Oh my...I'm crying why IN THE FUCK am I crying. I don't know. I guess when it comes down to it everyone breaks under the smallest of pressure. I'm so weak.

Ta Ta


Some more fun things [
7th January 06
12:28 PM
Your Monster Profile

Behemoth Slayer

You Feast On: Lasanga

You Lurk Around In: Movie Theaters

You Especially Like to Torment: Priests

You are

You Were a Cougar

You are a great leader who has dominance without ego.

You are wickedly cunning and off the scale confident.

You Are Creepy

Serial killers would run away from you in a flash.

You Are an Emo Rocker!

Expressive and deep, lyrics are really your thing.
That doesn't mean you don't rock out...
You just rock out with meaning.
For you, rock is more about connecting than grandstanding.

You are an Atheist

When it comes to religion, you're a non-believer (simple as that).
You prefer to think about what's known and proven.
You don't need religion to solve life's problems.
Instead, you tend to work things out with logic and philosophy.

Reeses Peanut Butter Cups

Very popular, one of you is not enough.

Ta Ta
read (2) tulips

Here is a coincidence [
7th January 06
11:53 AM
[ mood | content ]

Your 2005 Song Is

Beverly Hills by Weezer

"My automobile is a piece of crap
My fashion sense is a little whack
And my friends are just as screwy as me"

You breezed through 2005 in your own funky style!

Ordering 10 5 pc. nuggets, 2 triples, 1 double, and 3 orders of strips at 12:56pm [
7th January 06
2:25 AM
[ mood | crazy ]

Quote of the Day: "Without any proof there is no reason." - Me

Well today was great. There is this one girl that no one likes at the Wendy's I work at. Her name is Brittany Casey and everyone hates her. The funny thing of that is, is that I don't understand why. She is friendly, funny, and wierd kinda like me. I closed with her tonight and it was the most fun close I have had since closing with Spanky. I also thought that there was no drama at this Wendy's like there was at the last one but I was wrong. Supposidly this Ashley girl that works weekday nights is spreading rumors about Brittany and this "Brenden" guy sleeping together or some retarded shit. So Brittany is going to set the record straight with Ashley tomorrow in a more physical way than a talking way. Well I will be there when Ashley gets there so if it gets ugly I will have to break it up. I haven't closed in a long time either so I am very tired and sore. Well not really tired since I had so much fun my sore definatly.

Ta Ta


Another Fun Survey [
5th January 06
6:36 PM
1. What color underwear are you wearing? Blue British cut

2. What's your favorite vegetable? carrots

3. If you could pick any celebrity to sleep with, who would it be? Bob Barker

4. If you were stranded on an island, who and what would you take with you? Matthew, Ashie, Jamie (we have to hurt someone[lol Jamie I love you]), my mom, Cody, and....BOB BARKER of course

5. How big is too big? 2000'

6. What is your favorite kind of underwear? British Cut

7. What's a secret nobody really knows? PANCAKES ARE THE DEVIL!!!! lol I don't fuckin know

8. How do you feel about the war? VIOLENCE is a serious way of being nice. Well I personally think that we should have never went over there and started the shit. Let the mouse come to the cat thats what I say.

9. Do you know what rugby is? yes

10. If you were on mtv's "Made", what would you be made into?
An Alternative Rock Drummer or keyboardist

11. What's your favorite forign food? Japanese

12. What's your favorite thing to do on Saturday night? Sleep and maybe do the dirty dirty, lol

13. Do you sleep in the nude? of course who doesn't

14. Honestly, have you taken a shower today? yes

15. What do you really think about Michael Jackson? HOMO!!

16. Pick one, sports or music? MUSIC

17. If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it fall, does it make a sound? Well we don't know that do we. I say put a hidden camera in the woods then go to a tree that looks dead and make it to wear it will fall and leave and wait.

18. What came first, the chicken or the egg? What is....chicken egg

19. Do you like tattoos? yes

20. Whats the most expensive article of clothing you own? My old 100 dolla boots

21. Why are you doing this survey right now? im bored!

22. Do you eat fast food? yep

23. Do you like where you live? I guess

24. Where would you live if you had to choose somewhere else? Alaska

25. If you had to learn any language, what would it be? Japanese

26. Whats your most embaressing moment? I definatly was taking someones order and over the mic they heard me fall and take out a trash can and scream loud and fluent obsenities

27. Can you ice skate? A little

28. Would you put your life in danger to save a strangers life? Damn straight everyone deserves to live if they deserve to die

29. Does size really matter? No, its personality

30. Is there someone that you think about all the time and do they think the same way about you? :) I would say so

31. Big city or small town? small town

32. Sky diving or bungee jumping? NO HEIGHTS FOR ME

33. How many uses does febreeze really have? enough to make it popular

34. Do aliens really exist? Well without proof there is no reason

35. Heard any good jokes lately? yes

36. Do you believe its better to have loved and lost, or to never have loved at all? never loved because you don't know what it is and you won't get addicted

37. Whats your favorite sports team? i don't watch sports

38. Do real men wear pink? Well i would say so cause I see men that wear pink sometimes and I think they are real unless they are illusions

39. Whats your biggest fear? Living more than today

40. Is all fair in love and war? yes, if you expect to love expect to lose, if you expect to kill expect to be killed

41. Are you a leader or a follower? mostly a leader

42. Is elvis still alive? Yes, I work with him at Wendy's he is my fav manager

43. Do you believe in big foot? Well without no proof there is no reason

44. What's unique about your personality? I'm wheel chair accessable (Thanks Matthew sweetheart)

45. Hockey or football? EWWW sports are the damned Devil

46. Do you like chocolate? yes

47. If there was one thing you could change about your past, what would it be? Probably being born. Because without me there would be no pain for me to feel.

48. Where in the world is Carmen San Diego? In a book and song

49. Would you rather travel by plane, car, or boat? Boat I love the sea

50. Would you have sex with the person who posted this before you? NO
read (5) tulips

Child Bombings....? [
5th January 06
6:29 PM
Quote of the Day: Life sucks....then you die! - Sharon Stilt

Well today was actually not half bad. I worked at the Wendy's in front of the mall and guess what Ash...I got to work with ELVIS and I think him and Missy are soon going to get hitched. Anyways, there was one girl there that I wasn't entirely fond of but oh well people like that are out there. I still haven't decided to move in with Matt yet. All the signs are positive but I need to keep an open mind and decide. I think I will think about it and come up with my decision by the end of the month or the beginning of next month. Well I don't really know what else to say. I do love my English class though it is a whole like bigger than last quater and everyone seems fun. I don't have any ememies yet at school so I guess it's a good thing. In later news....My teacher said something along the lines of postion taking and one example was something like well I forgot but the arguement was "Well there are children out there straving and hurt and being bombed and dieing." So that brings up the Child Bombings??? thing at the top. Well I hope to see you all soon. And remember "You can't spell slaughter without laughter! " such morbid cartoons these days.

Another Survey Thingy [
3rd January 06
9:06 PM
[ mood | Pissed ]

Time started: 9:31 pm

First Name: Heather

Single or Taken: Taken

Sex: female

Birthday: September 16 1987

Siblings: 1 brother

Eye color: blue

Shoe size: 10

height: 5'7"

What are you wearing right now: peasant shirt, jeans, socks

Where do you live: Bethel, OH

Righty or lefty: Righty

Can you make a dollar in change right now: Ha ha ha....no

Who are your closest friends: Ashie, Jamie, Jessica, Cauvin, Matthew

Do you have a BF or GF? yes

Best place to go for a date: Chucky Cheese

Favorite place to shop: JC Penny

Favorite kind of pants: jeans

Color: sparkling mother fucking magenta!

Number(s): 19, 24

Animal: platypus

Drink: Caffine Free Mt. Dew/ Sparks

Sport(s): Volleyball all the way

Fast-Food Place: Taco Bell

Month: Novemeber

Movie: Constantine or Bird Cage

Juice: apple or orange

Finger: Middle (FUCK YOU AMERICA)!!!!

Breakfast: cereal or Sausage McMuffin From Mickey D's

Favorite cartoon character(s): Brain from Family Guy

Have you ever
Given anyone a bath: yes

Smoked: yes

Bungee: no

Made yourself throw-up: yes only when I was going to anyway

Gone skinny dipping: yes

Eaten a hot dog: yes

Put your tongue on a frozen pole: no

Loved someone so much it made you cry?:no what is love anyways

Broken a bone: yes

Played truth or dare: yes

Been in a police car: yes

Been on a plane: no

been in a sauna: no

been in a hot tub: Yes

swam in the ocean: yes

Fallen asleep in school: Hell Ya gotta stick it to that man sometimes

Ran away?:Of course

Broken someone's heart: maybe

Cried when someone died: not as soon as they died but a little bit later yes

Cried in school: yes

Fell off your chair: Damn Straight

Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call?: no I'm not that pathetic

Saved e-mails: Yes

Fallen for one of your best friends?: Ha ha ha...fuck no

Made out with JUST a friend?: Ewww gross

Used someone: Umm let me think NO!

Been cheated on?: Most Likely

What is...
Your good luck charm: a Dagger

Best song you ever heard: Iris

Stupidist thing you have ever done: caught an eggroll on fire in a microwave

What's your room like: Big and purplish blue

Last thing you said: I'm Not the only FUCKING one! YEASH!

What is beside you: open space then a dresser

Last thing you ate?: reese cup

What kind of shampoo do you use?: Suave

Best thing that has happened to you this year: Working at Sam's Club

Worst thing that has happened to you this year?: Marley Ate my $100 boots

Have you had..
Chicken pox: Yes

Sore Throat: Yes

Stitches: no

Broken nose: Probably

Do You
Believe in love at first sight: No I don't even believe in love

Like picnics: no

Like school: somewhat

Would you/what is
Eat a live hamster for $1,000,000.: AHH NO NO NO

If you were stuck on an island, what people would you want with you: Ashie, My Mommy, Matthew, and Bob Barker

Who was the last person that called you: Matthew

Who was the last person you slow danced with: Matthew in his livinig room to Time To Dance By Panic! at the Disco
What makes you laugh the most?: Matthew and Ashie and myself

What makes you smile?: anything really

Who is the last person
You yelled at: Mother Dearest

Who broke your heart: My family

Who told you they loved you: A bunch of people, Mommy, Ashie, Matthew, Fruity the Pee Monkey Crotch Dog

Who is your loudest friend?: Jamie Esz

Do you/Are You:
Do you like filling these out: kinda

Do you wear contacts or glasses: niether

Do you like yourself: who does?

Do you get along with your family: sometimes

Stolen anything over $50: no

Obsessive? no

Compulsive? yes

Anorexic? no

Suicidal? sometimes

Love Life
Do you have a crush? yes

What is so great about them? Sense of humor and personality


This or That?
Skiing or Boarding: sleeping...oh wait that wasn't a choice oh well

fall or winter: winter

Silver or Gold: Silver

Diamond or pearl: Sapphire that wasn't a choice either this thing SUCKS

Sunset or Sunrise: sunrise

Sprite or 7up?: 7 UP

Orange juice or apple juice: apple

Cats or dogs: dogs

Coffee or tea: ewww

Phone or in person: In the Flesh

Are you oldest, middle, youngest or only child: baby of the family

Indoor or outdoor: outdoor

Final questions

How many people are you sending this to: noon juiced leeting me freinds reed it

What are you listening to right now? The voices in my head telling me to kill Micheal Jackson...LOL nothing really

What did you do yesterday: worked and layed around like a fat porpus

Where do you want to get married? Outside for starters

If you could change anything about yourself, what would it be? Me being born to be honest

Are you a good driver: Ha ha people seem to think so except for Jamie I wonder why though???

Are you a good Singer: I'm a good singer if Bob Barker is 13

What do you dream about: death and suicide for some retarded reason

End Time: 9:50pm


Survey From Myspace [
3rd January 06
8:55 PM
[ mood | curious ]

10 Firsts

First Best Friend: Sheena Fancher
First Screenname: darkangel87
First Pet name: Lighting
First Piercing: ears
First Crush: Gary Sinese(from Forest Gump I grew up on that show)
First CD: Reba McAntire
First School: William Bick Elementary
First House Location: Bethel
First bf/gf: James---11th grade
First Concert: small concert:Anville big concert: none yet


9 Lasts

Last Time You Smoked: right now (cigarettes)
Last Food You Ate: a reese cup
Last Car Ride: Yesterday
Last Movie You Watched: Family Stones
Last Phone Call: Matthew
Last CD You listened to: Happy/Dancey Shit Mix
Last Bubble Bath You took: about a year ago
Last Song You listened to: Radio by: Alkaline Trio
Last Time you got in a fight: Four Days ago

8 Have You Evers

Have You Ever Dated a Best Friend: no
Have You Ever Been Arrested: no
Have You Ever Skinny Dipped: yes
Have You Ever Been on TV: no Thank Pants
Have You Ever Eaten Sushi: yes
Have You Ever Cheated On Your B/F or G/F?: Hell NO!
Have You Ever Been on a Blind Date: no
Have You Ever Been out of the Country: yeah right me out of the country snof


7 Things You are Wearing

1. peasant shirt
2. jeans
3. neckalce
4. star braclets
5. socks
6. panties
7. Bra


6 Things You've Done Today

1. woke up
2. ate a reese cup
3. smokes a dozen cigareets
4. had some milk
5. went to school
6. got online


5 Favorite Things

1. family
2. friends/ boyfriend
3. sleep
4. Punk Music
5. Pants


4 Choices

1. Vanilla or Chocolate: vanilla
2. Hugs or Kisses: hugs
3. Pens or Pencils: mechanical pencils
4. Baseball or Basketball: VOLLEYBALL


3 Things You Want to do Before You Die:

1. Live
2. Dance
3. Love if it exists in the text that it is normally used in


2 Things you got for Christmas:

1. Books
2. Clothes


1 Person You Want to See:

1. My Grandpa


Nothing Says Happy New Year Like A Stomach Virus [
3rd January 06
8:08 PM
[ mood | Ewwww ]

Quote of the day: "Everyone smiles in the same language." By: Don't remember hm.....

January 1 2006
I go to work on my first day. Starts out a good day, I meet new friends and keep the timer down, then 8:00 pm rolls around. My stomach starts to cramp. I feel faint and nauseous. I start having to go to the bathroom every 20 minutes feeling my stomach acids churning. It started out just having the craps but not normal craps. After a long tow hours I feel my acids rising. I run to the bathroom and vomit for a full 5 minutes. I told my manager that I needed to leave. I came back to Matt's and vomited all through the night.

January 2 2006
7:00am rolls very slowly around. I am still vomiting but not as frequent or as much, and I still have the craps. I finally fall asleep. I wake at 10:00am felling about 25% better but still a little nauseous. I eat a small piece of bread and sip a little amout of coke. I feel ok. I don't have the energy to move and I have to start work in 5 hours maybe I'll feel better. Well 2:00pm rolls around fairly quickly after a What Not To Wear marathon. I get up and feel dizy and my stomach feels raw and disguisting. I get ready for work and leave around 2:50pm. I get to work feeling like I was hit by a truck. It slowly progresses as it finally hits 6:00pm. Matt starts to feel awful. He brought me up some head ache medicin for my brain felt heavy and painful. I took it feeling much better. After that time flew and it became 9:00pm. I clocked out and came back to Matt's. He was very warm and didn't feel good at all. I bought some air freshener and sprayed his house. It still had the heavy feeling of sickness. I left at 9:30pm returning home where I watched a movie and sipped more caffine free Mt. Dew. I went to bed at 11:00pm.

January 3 2006
I woke from a long 13 hours of sleep. I felt 100% better. I actually felt like going to work. But I was off. I started to sew my scarf to finish it and was going to try to sew my beanie to mach it. I left my house around 1:16pm going to pick Matt up to fix Ash's computer. We went to my mom's work to get a blank check for my school books. We got to Ash's at 2:40pm. Matt fixed her computer and finished his work at 4:00pm. We left and I dropped him off at home. I went to school and had quite a good time. I found two of my good friends from 6th grade are getting married in 2007 and I am to be in the weddings. I also bought $193.39 worth of books. I left and am now at Matt's feeling awful from my year round cold coming back.

Happy New Year Heather!

Don't Ask Why...Ask Why Not..


1st January 06
10:12 AM
[ mood | So pissed it ain't funny ]

Quote of the Day: You can't achieve the impossible without attempting the absurd - don't remember

Well I got drunker than hell last night. I wasn't only celebrating New Years I was also celebrating my victory (my job) and I start today. Today is also a sad day. Marley the dog ate my 100 dollar pair of boots I bought from Hot Topic in November. They are now dead and must rest in peace. I will probably keep them in my car. I am so upset with her. Well I will talk to you all later.

Have another drink and drive yourself home. - Brand New

I love you guys

read (2) tulips

31st December 05
5:27 PM

Quote of the Day: You can run with the big dogs, or you can sit on the porch and bark. -Wallace Arnold

I got the job at Wendy's I start tomorrow. I am soo excited. I love it wow. See I told you I would be out of my depression state by today! WHOOT WHOOT!


What Happens Now? [
30th December 05
10:02 PM
[ mood | HELP ME!!! ]

Quote Of the Day: "If life does't have any games worth playing, invent a new one!" - I forgot

Well, today was an interesting day. Other than the fact that for some reason I became so depressed that I wanted to just lay on my bed and never speak again. My father is so awful. I mean I know that he provides for me and everything but sometimes I want to take a machette and BAM! But I can't because my dear mother loves him and I don't really want to make her unhappy any more. I wish that my mother only knew how I felt inside whenever I am home. I feel like a caged bird, but doesn't everyone? I am so miserable in my living quaters that sometimes I just want to leave and never come back. But they would know where to find me. I need this job at Wendy's so badly that I would do anything to get it. I am so broke and I have a cell phone bill to pay on the 11th and I have a car payment on 15 and a insurance payment on the 28 or something like that. I hate this shit. Sometimes I wonder why am I still here because all I think about when I'm alone is "My parents would be better off if I never existed" and I mean that is my serious mind set. I really want things to work out for me but how can they if I feel like this? I don't know.... And please friends so "smart" comments because I don't need them. I will probably snap out of this feeling tomorrow and I don't need anyone to make me feel worse. And Jamie no I am not singling you out I am just saying. I also thought that this would be a good time to tell you all that read my journal that I am sorry if I have ever placed a burden on you and I don't want to be a bother. I love all of you dearly so please stay with me through these times of my depression and please just be supportive. I really don't feel like defending my sanity with the parents or the court system. My mother already thinks that I need a shrink I don't need anyone encouraging it. Thank you all for listening to my problems but I hope these times come to pass soon. Thank you.

Instead of asking why....ask why not?


"The difference between love and pain is that they are on the same page just on opposite sides" [
28th December 05
7:12 PM
[ mood | calm ]

Quote of the Day: "Happiness is good health and a bad memory." -Ingrid Bergman

Well the Panic! at the Disco concert is set in stone. Ash, Matt, and I are all going March 23 at Bogarts. Starts at 8:00pm and it is gonna rock out loud. I also found a way that none of us will become a victim of crowd surfing. Tie ropes around our waisted because I doubt that anyone would be able to hoist all three of us up. I have also filled up some more of my book. I will probably work fairly hard on it tonight to get closer to the middle. Well Ash is staying over tonight and I got a job interview at Wendy's. I am fairly confident that I will be working there soon. And if that holds out I may decide on my boggling situation faster than anticipated. Well Love you all and have a fun night!


Time is a friend, a gift, a maker of dreams....-Flavia [
28th December 05
1:52 PM
[ mood | cheerful ]

Today's Quote of The Day: "Death is lurking over my head like a rain cloud and all I can see is your back as you leave me." - me

Well I got my new plates today. They say in short DQM (Diary Queen Master) and some randomly assorted numbers. I also got to chapter 23 in my book. It is so great I cannot describe the greatness of this book. Also I realized for any gift on any holiday for anything I would like journal/notebooks preferably ones with nice quotes on the front. (also please if you contribute to this no quotes from the Bible, even if the journal looks really nice) Also I will take writing materials. I also got a phone call from the Elick Lane Wendy's I have a job interview there Saturday @ 3:00pm. Well anyways I am still deciding on what to do with a current situtation that has been boggling my mind. Oh well it's not like anyone of my friends will be able to help me in this decision because it is one that most wuld say "do what you think you should do". Considering that I give advice to some of my peers the only bit of advice I would have for this one is : use the information at hand to make the best decision possible. Oh well, I will probably be on later in the day to record other things that have occured. Well I will see everyone later and remember...YOU CAN'T SPELL SLAUGHTER WITH OUT LAUGHTER! Thank you drawn together that funny but morbid quotation. See you soon.


What Ducks? [
27th December 05
7:40 PM
Ash posted this in her myspace and I loved it

sign stealing
me: *gets out of car and opens the back door.*

heather: WTF are you doing?! we have to hurry!

ash: I'm just getting my ducks in a row!

heather: .... what ducks?!

Go sign stealing often
read (6) tulips

Quote again. [
27th December 05
6:36 PM
[ mood | creative ]

Quote of the Day: The more I study history the more I realize how little mankind has changed. There are no new scripts, just different actors

I have decided that instead of "Theme Song of The Day" I would do quote of the day. Well I am on chapter 15 of my favorite book of all time; The Sunflower or El Girasol(spanish). It is a great book I recommend it for everyone else. I can't think of anymore CD's to download whilest I stay with Matt, I have Fall Out Boy, Amberlin, The Starting Line, and Mest. I can't think of anymore...maybe more of My Chemical Romance or other Fall Out Boy CD's. Brighteyes might be among my choices so if anyone wants to help out would be a big help. Well anyways, I love my book and that song by The Starting Line called Stay Where I Can See You. It is great. Well anyways....I went to ECheck just to find out that I only needed to have another one reprinted so it was good knowing I only spent 5 dollars instead or 20. Then when I went to the BMV I couldn't find my title, come to find out that my Mother had hidden it from me along with me Debt Card. Anyways, I also cleaned out my car and Cody doesn't hate Matt anymore he actually layed down and napped with him. Anyways well I trust everyone had a good Christmas and is going to have a Happy New Year! Also check out the new layout I am probably going to fix my user look-up also. Well have fun...We Love Those Whom We Serve!


I read the best quote today [
26th December 05
4:43 PM
TODAY'S QUOTE IS::::::::*shoot for the moon even if you miss you'll land among the stars*
read (3) tulips

My expierience in Life is This......SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU LITTLE DEMON! [
26th December 05
4:25 PM
[ mood | busy ]

Today's Theme Song: Stay Where I Can See You By: The Starting Line

Well today is a different beat of things. Today I bought mom this book of qoutations and I bought my dad a book of funny dog pictures with hilarious captions beneath or above the photo. Well I realized that the word Penny is quite fun to say when tired. Just say Penny and you'll say it a bunch more or at least i did. Well anyways I am writing a story about my life that is a brief description of what it was like to be me growing up through the years of Tye-dye shirts to to liquid crytal televisions, and from going to being an awful child to a caring (well I think I'm caring) person. Im taking my readers through a "magical journey" through time to show them the differences of growing up with up coming technology. Going from disco well back to disco (Panic!) and from a country guitar to screeching electric guitars. So I thought I would share what I am doing while I am still unemployed and then give them something to read. Thank you for your time. And I love you.


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