honestly_loved (honestly_loved) wrote,
honestly_loved
honestly_loved

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What Happens Now?

Quote Of the Day: "If life does't have any games worth playing, invent a new one!" - I forgot

Well, today was an interesting day. Other than the fact that for some reason I became so depressed that I wanted to just lay on my bed and never speak again. My father is so awful. I mean I know that he provides for me and everything but sometimes I want to take a machette and BAM! But I can't because my dear mother loves him and I don't really want to make her unhappy any more. I wish that my mother only knew how I felt inside whenever I am home. I feel like a caged bird, but doesn't everyone? I am so miserable in my living quaters that sometimes I just want to leave and never come back. But they would know where to find me. I need this job at Wendy's so badly that I would do anything to get it. I am so broke and I have a cell phone bill to pay on the 11th and I have a car payment on 15 and a insurance payment on the 28 or something like that. I hate this shit. Sometimes I wonder why am I still here because all I think about when I'm alone is "My parents would be better off if I never existed" and I mean that is my serious mind set. I really want things to work out for me but how can they if I feel like this? I don't know.... And please friends so "smart" comments because I don't need them. I will probably snap out of this feeling tomorrow and I don't need anyone to make me feel worse. And Jamie no I am not singling you out I am just saying. I also thought that this would be a good time to tell you all that read my journal that I am sorry if I have ever placed a burden on you and I don't want to be a bother. I love all of you dearly so please stay with me through these times of my depression and please just be supportive. I really don't feel like defending my sanity with the parents or the court system. My mother already thinks that I need a shrink I don't need anyone encouraging it. Thank you all for listening to my problems but I hope these times come to pass soon. Thank you.

Heather
Instead of asking why....ask why not?
Tags: depression, job, money, parents, quote
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